Why Hello there, friends... Its been quite a while...

It is nearly impossible to believe its been 8 years since I wrote my last entry.  As I decided to reenter the online world of Thinking Out Loud, my initial plan was to start from scratch.  However, I soon realized that I really like both my blog's name and url... and I was pretty impressed with my 8 years ago self for being so clever!  SO, I gave my page a little (or, dare a say BIG) face lift, and I am going to push forward, continuing to explore this planet and all its complex realities while attempting to keep from of mind the reality that no matter where I find myself, we are all, Far From Home.  


And with that summary of how I got from there to here clearly in place, I proceed.
Obviously, quite a lot in life has changed in the 8 years since I last blogged.  Yet oddly enough, quite a lot is much the same.  Life is so funny that way. I am told aprox 3-4 times each year that one of the things people love most about me is that I say what other people are thinking... The older I get the more I realize that's not always a good thing, and therefore I am constantly in an internal battle to balance speaking freely and tempering that every so forceful urge at points to say whatever comes into my brain.  I am coming to terms with the fact that this will likely be a life long battle of mine... my own cross to bear if I can say, and I am learning to be OK with that.  But, as with almost everything in life, some people love that about me, and others (usually my own mother included) could do without that pesky little trait... and truth be known, the older I get, the more comfortable I am becoming with the validity of both those perspectives.  :)  We all have areas we can grow, right?   
But, being that that trait does tend to come more naturally to me than most, my hope is that in some way I will be able to connect with the many others of you in the world who often find yourself holding minority opinions, and not quite sure how to engage those points in the world.  

I, am not a people pleaser.  I never have been.  Its not how I am wired.  I spent a large part of my life feeling like this was a bad thing and I was less valued or important because I saw things differently.  And, truth be known it will likely take a lifetime of walking with the Lord and doing life with grace filled and loving people to undo that damage completely.  So, know this, precious readers, whoever you are: 

This is a safe place to learn.  To grow.  To ask questions!  And to be loved not because of, but in spite of yourself.  I will never be ok with rudeness or disrespect.  But thoughtful and challenging questions or perspectives...that friends, is how we all become better at this game of life.  I do believe there are absolute truths in the world.  But I believe there are far fewer of those than many others would like me to think.  I think there is LOTS of grey, and I believe that most people really are doing the best they can. 

I am excited to start this journey with you.  You are welcome here.  Grab a coffee.  Read.  Ask. Know you are valued and loved. 

I look forward to getting to know you.  

Grudem... Not so trying after all.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that one day I would pick up a book like this and read it because I was eager to learn more about the deep theological concepts that define the faith that leads and guides the course of my life.

HOWEVER, God has a sense of humor! This past week I did just that. I missed studying this type of thing. And I miss the friends I used to sit around for hours on end discussing such topics with. But, surprisingly, I am enjoying being reminded afresh of how faith in Jesus does make sense, and it is sound!

I have always been much more of a feeler than a thinker. I am emotionally connected to the truth of the gospel. Things have to be logical for me to accept them, but I don't spend hours pouring over the tiny details looking for flaws in the very solid argument. I take God at His word. That seems reasonable enough to me. I see how He works in my life and the lives of those I know who trust Him, as well as in the world of people who wont even acknowledge He exists, and I am assured over and over again that there is truth in what He says.

But once in a while I get curious and want to go a bit further into understanding the theology, so for the 1st time in 3 years, I have picked up this book by choice, and I am working through portions of it. I have to say its a pretty good read. You should check it out sometime. (But never b/c you have to read the whole thing in 9 months and write papers on what you think line 7 on page 322 has to do with eating ice cream after dinner!)

OK so maybe I exaggerated a little there at the end... but you get the point....

It was not God's fault

Every year Sept 11 comes and goes here in the US, and every year we get to hear and watch 24-72 hrs of people mourning, sobbing, and trying to work out how and why such a tragedy could happen in this great nation. But last night I finally had to shut the TV off, after about 20 minutes of watching religious leaders from all faiths and many many people who would profess to be Christians, saying they have turned their backs on God for allowing the tragedies of Sept 11 to take place. That just makes me so sad, and it brought several things to mind.

My bible teaches that God does not cause sin, people sin. And Satan is real, and powerful. He is the king of all lies. And he will do whatever he can to deter and destroy the faith of those who know and love the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We live in a fallen world. Sin affects everyone and everything that we know and love. I myself am one of the reasons that this world is not perfect. And God looks at the sin in my life as equally offensive and disgusting as He looks at the sin in yours, and at the sin in those who caused the events of Sept 11th.

God did not cause Sept 11th. He did not cause Hurricane Katrina. He did not cause the Tsunami that killed so many people in and around Thailand. We can not as a human race love and appreciate the creator and maker of the world when things are going are way, and then detest and ignore that same creator when things happen that we can not explain. When sin enters are lives and touches us in a truely painful and real way.

God knows pain and loss. The Father sent HIS ONLY SON to the cross, allowed him to become that which He most despises, and turned His back on the Son who had done nothing wrong.

The SON knows pain and loss. His whole life He was despised and rejected. His friends never truly got who He was, and when push came to shove, they ALL abandoned Him. Every last one, and He died the most grusome death know to man at that time, and He did it alone.

The SPIRIT knows pain and loss. He guides my heart everyday, leading me in the ways that are good and right, and daily I make decisions that reject and ignore Him. Everyday I do things that say I know that is right or this is wrong, but I am going to do it my way anyway. Thanks for the nudging Spirit, but I have this one.

I dont seek to know or explain how and why the things happen on this earth as they do. I dont think life is easy and I know for sure that there are things that happen which make me look at God and ask, why? But not knowing the answers doesnt make me love God less, or trust Him partially. It causes me to turn back to His Word and to rely more deeply on His promises. And He promises me that one day He will RIGHT ALL WRONGS. That He will come again and redeem and gather HIS PEOPLE. And that one day I will look him square in the face and then I will KNOW all that I dont know now.

I long for that day... sometimes more than others. It is not fair to blame God for the sin in this world or for any of the ways that sin affects human lives. We are not God. We dont see the bigger picture. But, Jesus did. And He does now. That is the hope that I am left with to go on. And if thats what God is willing to give me, I will take it.

Know this for sure: Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ WILL come again.
Then, and not now, we will know fully, just as we are fully known.

Earl Grey Tea

The weather here in Pittsburgh is starting to turn fall-ish. The past few days have been quite brisk and rainy, and one of the first things that came to my mind as I sat chilly in my apt was was a great cup of milky earl grey. YUM!

This tea drinking thing has totally taken me back to my English roots and reminded me that there is almost nothing a nice warm cuppa tea cant fix. I know my tea drinking friends will be proud. When I have guests now, one of the first things I find myself saying is, "Would you like some tea?" My how I miss you Brits!

Drink up!

The Texas Longhorn

Yes. This is a Texas Longhorn. While visiting my aunt, uncle, and cousin in Austin TX, I insisted we stop the car so that I could get out, climb up, and take a picture. The flaw in my design is that we were also in Texas heat (end of July the daily avg was well over 100 degrees outside. This photo was take at about mid day) and this statue was made of Texas metal. SOOOOOOOOO.... my feet, my butt, my legs, my body were on FIRE!! And then I had to sit there and pose for pictures while I literally felt like I was standing in a campfire.

Oh, the things that seem like good ideas when we set out.

To Begin

"Its a terrifying thing to begin. To begin anything at all. The rewards are but rumors then. The glories are but gossip. To taste and see, we must venture into the murky waters of inexperience. And that is, indeed a terrifying thing. But, its more terrifying still, to stand ashore and wish it could someday truely be true." - Tristam Gylberd

I came across this quote on a sister's website, and wow did it strike me as powerful. I am so grateful for the ways in which the Lord has created me to be someone who steps out. Dares to try new things. Is ok with being different. Is ok with not always seeing the credits when the show is but 3 minutes in. However, being that person does not come without a cost. I see Peter in myself over and over again. Willingly and gladly able to step out of the boat, trying something new, and proclaiming "You are the Christ!" But, within seemingly minutes of starting this new venture of which I was completely convinced, starting to doubt, wonder, and inevitably sink in my own faithlessness.

I know the head knowledge. Not all of it, but more than the basics. And yet still I doubt, faulter, and have to come back to the gospel again. Sometimes I dont know much more than what I can see right there in front of me. Sometimes all He sees fit to give me is what I can barely see through the murky water that is engulfing my very step. But thanks to the love and assurence of friends and Christ, I take the next step. Dare to try newer, greater, and more challenging tasks. Go bigger and better places. Share the gospel with more and more people. Step outside my comfort zone with a purpose that is far larger than myself.

It is only when I am able to put myself on the sideline, that I am able to see more clearly than ever what new things He is designing for my life. Thank you Lord for making me one who is able to take risks. Thank you for choosing me to be a part of your great plan.

Remembering Grace this Easter

This photo of Julia and I was taken in Feb during our visit to Washington DC. It has nothing to do with my post, but is a cool picture so I wanted to share!


HAPPY EASTER!!!

These months back in Pgh have given me many opportunities to think back over my Relay lessons, and remember grace. I know that is one thing that has definately changed in me since leaving Pgh. And it has given me a whole new perspective on life.

As Easter is upon us, I am reminded yet again of the fact that it is not because of anything I do that I am saved, but it has everything to do with what Jesus has done for me. I try daily to share the reality of that grace with those around me. I am reminded of how sinful I am, and how often I fall short of living like Jesus among my friends and family. But yet again, I go back to grace. Friends remind me. Its not about you Jordan. Its about Jesus. Its always about Jesus.

This Easter I hope you can rejoice and find great joy in celebrating all that Jesus did for us by not only dying on the cross, but by overcoming death, rising again, and giving us the promise of a life in heaven with him forever!! WOO HOO!!!!

HE IS RISEN!! HE HAS RISEN INDEED!